I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
