try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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