just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
