Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
