we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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