thus making me awesome and them whores
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
