Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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