u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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