He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
