people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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