Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
