you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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