whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
