You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
