there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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