What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
