YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
