at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
