My room smells like vodka and shame
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
