I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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