grandma shit on top of the toilet
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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