Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
