I am in a vortex of obligation.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
