the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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