i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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