I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
youre lurking in front of me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
