omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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