haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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