I wish I could punch you in the face.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
