maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
