Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
