i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
