I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
