btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
