I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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