i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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