somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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