omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
