So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
