I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
