I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
