You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
