he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
