He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
