I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
