no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
