I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
