Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
