I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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