we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
