I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
