I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
