margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV