wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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