sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Two words: nipple clamps
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