She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
