Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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