He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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