I puked a lego.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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