who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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