Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
two words: eviction party
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ladies don't puke and tell
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
