went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Omg I joined a choir last night...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
