I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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