Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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