i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
