Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
