I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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