I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
