We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
