You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
