the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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