Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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