We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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