We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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