just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
