Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
