Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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