the day after is always just damage control
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
