This girl is more easily done than said...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
