Girls should come with a carfax report
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
